Quotations

See also Descriptive Quotations (who said what about whom or what), Famous Last Words, and Quotations from Literature.

(Britain has) lost an empire but not yet found a role			Dean Acheson
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely			Lord Acton
He just couldn't quite get his leg over (BBC cricket commentator)			Jonathan Agnew
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.			Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it through not dying.
It's not that I'm afraid to die – it's just that I don't want to be there when it happens.
I don't like human flesh. It's too salty for me. (Refusing to confirm or deny rumours that he was a cannibal)			Idi Amin
Give me something to stand on, and I will move the earth.			Archimedes
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do			Isaac Asimov
No, no, the T is silent, as in Harlow. (Possibly apocryphal; said to have been said to Jean Harlow who mispronounced her forename)			Margot Asquith
I married beneath myself. All women do.			Nancy Astor
Money is like muck, not good except it be spread			Francis Bacon
Knowledge itself is power.
Nothing matters very much, and most things don't matter at all			A. J. Balfour
When I score, I don't celebrate. It's my job. Does a postman celebrate when he delivers a letter?			Mario Balotelli
There's a sucker born every minute.			Phineas T. Barnum
"A sympathetic Scot [remarked that] you should make a point of trying every experience once, except incest and folk–dancing" – from his 1943 autobiography			Arnold Bax
I wanted to be more famous than Persil Automatic. (Written in her 2001 autobiography, Learning to Fly, of her teenage self – some ten years earlier)			Victoria Beckham
Other people have a nationality; the Irish and Jews have a psychosis.			Brendan Behan
Mr. Watson, come here – I want to see you.			Alexander Graham Bell
Streets flooded please advise (telegram to his editor on arriving in Venice)			Robert Benchley
The House of Lords is the Outer Mongolia for British politicians.			Tony Benn
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered			George Best
I used to go missing a lot. Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World ...
I've stopped drinking, but only when I'm asleep
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life
To betray, you first have to belong. I never belonged. (British double agent, 1922–2020)			George Blake
The executioner is, I believe, very expert, and my neck is very slender.			Anne Boleyn
An army marches on its stomach. (Attr. – also attr. to Frederick the Great of Prussia)			Napoleon Bonaparte
From the sublime to the ridiculous there is only one step.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever
Home in three days, so don't wash. (Written to his wife.)
It is only with artillery that one makes war.
The side that stays within its own fortifications is beaten.
Sic semper tyrannis – the South is revenged!			John Wilkes Booth
Elect me for what I am – not for what I was born.			Betty Boothroyd
Who's your fat friend? (said to his friend Lord Alvanley, when the Prince Regent 'blanked' him and another host of the Masquerade Ball in 1813)			'Beau' Brummell
I'd rather have a nice cup of tea than go to bed with someone – any day			Boy George
Just call me a nice clean–cut all–Mongolian boy.			Yul Brynner
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.			George Burns
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
Happiness is having a loving, close knit family in another city.
Winning isn't everything. There should be no conceit in victory, and no despair in defeat.			Sir Matt Busby
I do not like broccoli and I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.			George H. W. Bush
Read my lips: no new taxes.
I will not withdraw [from Iraq] even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me			George W. Bush
It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom, as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses (attr., in Daphne Fielding's The Duchess of Jermyn Street (1964)			Mrs. Patrick Campbell
When the seagulls … follow the trawler … it is because they think that … sardines … will be thrown … into the sea			Eric Cantona
The man who dies … rich dies disgraced			Andrew Carnegie
How horrible, fantastic, incredible it is that we should be digging trenches and trying on gas–masks here because of a quarrel in a far away country between people of whom we know nothing.			Neville Chamberlain
I believe it is peace for our time … peace with honour.
I remain just ... a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.			Charlie Chaplin
All I need to make a comedy is a policeman, a park and a pretty girl. (From his 1964 autobiography)
I see all the birds are flown.			Charles I
I am weary of travelling … I am resolved to go abroad no more.			Charles II
Medicine is my lawful wife, and literature is my mistress.			Anton Chekhov
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.			Cher
The world will never starve for want of wonders; but only for want of wonder. (From Tremendous Trifles, 1909)			G. K. Chesterton
An archaeologist it the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.			Agatha Christie
Anyone can rat, but it takes a certain ingenuity to re–rat.			Winston Churchill
I consider that it will be found much better by all parties to leave the past to history, especially as I propose to write that history myself. (Often misquoted as "History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it")
I have taken more good out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
To jaw–jaw is always better than to war–war.
From Stettin in the Baltic, to Trieste in the Adriatic, an iron curtain has descended across the Continent. (In a speech delivered at Fulton, Missouri, on 5 March 1946, when the audience included US President Harry S. Truman)
Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly. (Said, according to a much–repeated anecdote, to Bessie Braddock MP, when she accused him of being "drunk, and what's more ... disgustingly drunk")
When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is probably wrong. ("Clarke's First Law")			Arthur C. Clarke
The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible. ("Clarke's Second Law")
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. ("Clarke's Third Law")
It is far easier to make war than to make peace.			Georges Clemenceau
War is much too important to be left to the military.
I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one.			Brian Clough
… and … Juantorena … opens his legs … and shows his class			David Coleman
Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast.			William Congreve
Marriage is a wonderful invention, but then again so is a bicycle repair kit. (Quoted in a 1976 biography by Duncan Campbell)			Billy Connolly
Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.			Shirley Conran
Never trust a man with short legs. Brains too near their bottoms.			Noel Coward
Television is for appearing on – not for looking at
Put your trust in God, and keep your powder dry. (Attributed in 1834 by the Irish soldier and writer William Blacker)			Oliver Cromwell
I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible you may be mistaken.
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place			Billy Crystal
Bring on the empty horses. (Quoted by David Niven in the title of his autobiography)			Michael Curtiz
Genius doesn't die; I am going to live forever.			Salvador Dali
Picasso is a painter; so am I; Picasso is Spanish; so am I; Picasso is a Communist; neither am I (attributed)
Show my head to the people; it is worth seeing.			Georges Danton
My handicap? I'm a one–eyed Jewish negro.			Sammy Davis Junior
The most important thing in the Olympics is not winning but taking part.			Baron Pierre de Coubertin
The graveyards [or cemeteries] (of the world) are full of indispensable men			Charles de Gaulle
How can you govern a nation which produces two hundred and forty–six varieties of cheese?
Honey, I forgot to duck (after defeat by Gene Tunney, 1926 – quoted by Ronald Reagan in 1981 after John Hinckley's assassination attempt)			Jack Dempsey
Cogito ergo sum. (I think therefore I am.)			Rene Descartes
Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded			Diana, Princess of Wales
The relationship between the make–up man and the film actor is one of accomplices in crime.			Marlene Dietrich
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.			Phyllis Diller
Little things affect little minds.			Benjamin Disraeli
Though I sit down now, the time will come when you will hear me. (Maiden speech in the House of Commons)
Is man an ape or an angel? Now I am on the side of the angels.
A precedent embalms a principle.
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens.
There are three types of falsehood: lies, damned lies and statistics.
Youth is a blunder; Manhood a struggle; Old Age a regret.
A Conservative government is an organised hypocrisy.
I have always thought that every woman should marry – and no man.
I have climbed to the top of the greasy pole. (On becoming Prime Minister)
Damn your principles! Stick to your party. (Attributed; believed to have been said to Edward Bulwer–Lytton)
When I want to read a book, I write one
Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety–nine percent perspiration.			Thomas Edison
Mary had a little lamb ... (the first ever gramophone recording)
At last I am able to say a few words of my own ... I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility and to discharge my duties as I would wish to do, without the help and support of the woman I love. I now quit altogether public affairs and I lay down my burden. God bless you all. God save the King.			Edward VIII
I am convinced that He [God] does not play dice.			Albert Einstein
I never think of the future; it comes soon enough.
If I'd known about the atom bomb, I'd have become a watchmaker.
Imagination is more important than knowledge; for knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution
Science is a wonderful thing, if one doesn't have to earn one's living at it.
Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind.
Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former. (Commonly attributed)
The distinction between past, present and future is only an illusion, however persistent.
All the books needed for a real education could be set on a shelf five foot long. (President of Harvard University, 1869–1909)			Charles William Eliot
I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King – and a King of England too.			Elizabeth I
In the kingdom of the blind, the one–eyed man is king (attributed)			Desiderius Erasmus
When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left I buy food and clothes.
We have this expression, Christy [Turlington] and I: We don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day. (Canadian supermodel)			Linda Evangelista
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite. And furthermore, always carry a small snake.			W. C. Fields
Horse sense is a good judgement that keeps horses from betting on people.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I do if they're properly cooked. (On being asked if he liked children)
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no sense being a damn fool about it
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
Women are like elephants to me: they're nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one.
Anyone who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. (Actually said about him, by US humorist Leo C. Rosten.)
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got (The Temperance Lecture)
Yeah, and you're crazy, n' I'll be sober tomorrow n' you'll be crazy for the rest of your life (from It's a Gift, 1934 – when a hostile character accuses him of being drunk)
Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black.			Henry Ford
History is more or less bunk.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.			Benjamin Franklin
Here Skugg lies snug as a bug in a rug.
Nothing in this world can be certain, except death and taxes.
For want of a nail the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe the horse was lost. For want of a horse the rider was lost.
... we must all hang together or, most assuredly, we will all hang separately. (on signing the American Declaration of Independence)
Remember that time is money. (From Advice to a Young Tradesman, 1748)
There never was a good war or a bad peace.
If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in five years there'd be a shortage of sand			Milton Friedman
Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.			Zsa Zsa Gabor
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
And still it moves (after being forced by the Inquisition to recant his views; sometimes said to be his last words; but in fact there is no evidence that he ever sais it)			Galileo Galilei
The French cook; we open tins.			John Galsworthy
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist (quoted in Christian Science Monitor, 1982)			Indira Gandhi
Victory gained by violence is tantamount to defeat.			Mahatma Gandhi
Try 999. (When asked for a contact number, during a court appearance in 2010)			Paul Gascoigne
The meek shall inherit the Earth – but not the mineral rights.			John Paul Getty
If you can count your money, then you are not really a rich man.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. (French writer, 1882–1944)			Jean Giraudoux
We are part of the community of Europe, and we must do our duty as such. (British opposition leader, 1888)			W. E. Gladstone
Guns will make us powerful; butter will only make us fat. (1936)			Hermann Goering
Anyone seeing a psychiatrist should have his head examined.			Samuel Goldwyn
In two words: Im–possible.
Sink the Bismarck? Who the hell wants to see a movie about a herring?
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
If this is the way you do it, gentlemen include me out.
A wide screen makes a bad film twice as bad.
I want a story that starts with an earthquake and builds up to a climax.
The people in this country have had enough of experts (Conservative cabinet minister, 2016)			Michael Gove
It would have been cheaper to lower the Atlantic (reflecting on the cost of the 1980 film Raise the Titanic, of which he was the Producer)			Lew Grade
Go west, young man, and grow up with the country			Horace Greeley
The lamps are going out all over Europe; we shall not see them lit again in our lifetime (Foreign Secretary at the outbreak of World War I; a casual remark supposedly made to a colleague)			Sir Edward Grey
[I was told by my mother that] a woman needs to be a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom			Jerry Hall
I'm not allowed to say how many planes joined the raid, but I counted them all out and I counted them all back. (BBC correspondent, during the Falklands war)			Brian Hanrahan
You can't win anything with kids. (BBC Match of the Day pundit, on the opening day of the 1995–6 Premier League season, after Manchester United lost to Aston Villa; they went on to win the Premier League and the FA Cup that season)			Alan Hansen
Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the Universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don't just give up. (Advice to his three children – Lucy, Robert and Tim)			Stephen Hawking
Be advised my passport's green. No glass of ours was ever raised to toast the Queen. (In an "open letter", 1983, objecting to his inclusion in The Penguin Book of Contemporary British Poetry)			Seamus Heaney
We may be a small island, but we are not a small people (in a speech, 1970)			Edward Heath
[the tax reductions we propose] would, at a stroke, reduce the rise in prices, increase production and reduce unemployment (1970)
I am not a product of privilege. I am a product of opportunity (1974)
I was interested in being present for its first, and I trust only, performance (after hearing a new choral work at Gloucester Cathedral, 1975)
You make your own luck, Gig. You know what makes a good loser? Practice. (To his son Gregory – quoted in the latter's Papa: a Personal Memoir)			Ernest Hemingway
Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones.			Katherine Hepburn
For me, cinema is not a slice of life but a piece of cake.			Alfred Hitchcock
Television has brought murder back into the home, where it belongs
I am a typed director. If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body under the coach.
There is no terror in a bang; only the anticipation of it.
The great masses of the people ... will more easily fall victim to a great lie than to a small one.			Adolf Hitler (Mein Kampf)
Paris is well worth a mass.			Henry IV (of France)
Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt (1936 speech)			Herbert Hoover
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.			Bob Hope
President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.
Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori (quoted by Wilfred Owen)			Horace
Nil desperandum …
Seize the day, believing as little as possible in the morrow.
(All from his Odes)
If in doubt, win the trick.			Edmund Hoyle
Men have sight; women have insight.			Victor Hugo
The only thing I mind about going to prison is the thought of Lord Longford coming to visit me.			Richard Ingrams
I have more in common with a three–toed sloth than with [Winston] Churchill			Boris Johnson
Claret is a drink for boys, port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy. (Quoted by Boswell)			Dr. Samuel Johnson
No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money. (Quoted by Boswell)
When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life. (Quoted by Boswell)
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has few pleasures.
A man is generally better pleased when he has had a good dinner, than when his wife talks Greek
Neil Harvey, standing at leg slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle			Brian Johnston
The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey (attributed – prob. apochryphal)
No pen, no ink, no table, no room, no time, no quiet, no inclination (in a letter to his brother)			James Joyce
It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war.			John F. Kennedy
Ask not what your country can do for you: ask what you can do for your country.
Let us not negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.
As a free man, I take pride in the words "Ich bin ein Berliner!"
In the long run, we are all dead (in A Tract on Monetary Reform, 1923)			John Maynard Keynes
It doesn't depend on you whether or not we exist ... Whether you like ' it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!			Nikita Khrushchev
Well I can wear heels now (to David Letterman, after being divorced by Tom Cruise; often misquoted as "At least I can wear high heels now")			Nicole Kidman
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother–in–law			Martin Luther King
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self–evident, that all men are created equal" (quoting the American Declaration of Independence)
We must learn to live together as brothers, or we will perish together as fools
We've been to the mountain top … and I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land. (on the night before his assassination)
I warn you not to be ordinary. I warn you not to be young. I warn you not to fall ill, and I warn you not to grow old (1983)			Neil Kinnock
Until I grew up I thought I hated everybody, but when I grew up I realized it was just children I didn't like. Once you started meeting grown–ups life was much pleasanter. Children are very horrible, aren't they? Selfish, noisy, cruel, vulgar little brutes.			Philip Larkin
Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel peace prize			Tom Lehrer
Liberty is precious – so precious that it must be rationed.			Vladimir Ilich Lenin
For our last number, I'd like to ask your help. Would the people in the cheaper seats clap; and the rest of you, if you'd just rattle your jewellery ...			John Lennon
Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I do not know what will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity ... We're more popular than Jesus now (interview in the London Evening Standard, March 1966)
My last picture for Warners was Romance on the High Seas. It was Doris Day's first picture; that was before she became a virgin.			Oscar Levant
Thank you for your very amusing review. After reading it, in fact, my brother George and I cried all the way to the bank (written in a letter to a critic)			Liberace
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.			Abraham Lincoln
The ballot is stronger than the bullet.
This nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and government of the people by the people for the people shall not perish from this earth. (Closing words of a speech made in 1863)
Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes, and at the end, the Germans win (after the 1990 World Cup)			Gary Lineker
Drink is doing us more damage in the war than all the German submarines put together. We are fighting Germany, Austria and Drink; and as far as I can see the greatest of these three deadly foes is Drink (speech in Bangor, February 1915)			David Lloyd George
What is our task? To make Britain a fit country for heroes to live in
L'Etat, c'est moi. ("Probably apocryphal" – Wikiquote)			Louis XIV
He's going for the yellow ball by the side pocket, and for those in black and white, it's next to the blue.			Ted Lowe
Here I stand; I can do no other. God help me.			Martin Luther
I came through and I shall return. (On arriving in Melbourne, 21 March 1942 – having escaped from the Philippines, where he was surrounded by Japanese forces.) Later: I have returned.			Gen. Douglas MacArthur
Indeed, let us be frank about it: most of our people have never had it so good.			Harold Macmillan
The wind of change is blowing through this continent. Whether we like it or not, this growth of national consciousness is a political fact. (Speech to the South African parliament, Cape Town, 1960)
Because it's there (when asked why he wanted to climb Mount Everest)			George Leigh Mallory
... all part of life's rich tapestry!			Arthur Marshall
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day. Alternatively: I'd hate to be a teetotaller. Imagine waking up in the morning and knowing that's the best you're going to feel all day.			Dean Martin
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.			Groucho Marx
You're only as old as the woman you feel.
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
If I never see that woman again, it's too soon.
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.
[history repeats itself] the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce.			Karl Marx
Religion ... is the opium of the people.
The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs.
When I am dead and opened, you shall find 'Calais' lying in my heart			Mary I (Mary Tudor)
I have to confess, when me and my friend, sort of, used to run through the fields of wheat – the farmers weren't too pleased about that. (When asked on live TV what was the naughtiest thing she'd ever done)			Theresa May
The car has become an article of dress without which we feel uncertain, unclad and incomplete in the urban compound.			Marshall McLuhan
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.			H. L. Mencken
No–one … has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.
I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark.
Alimony is the ransom that the happy pay to the Devil.
When women kiss, it always reminds one of prizefighters shaking hands.
An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.			George Mikes
On the continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.
Continental people have sex life; English people have hot water bottles.
An aristocracy in a republic is like a chicken with its head cut off; it may run about a lot, but it is in fact dead.			Nancy Mitford
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5 of course.			Marilyn Monroe
It is not true that I had nothing on; I had the radio on (when asked about her nude photoshoot for Playboy)
The city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo.			Desmond Morris
If you want a golden rule that will fit everything, this is it: Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful (Hopes and Fears For Art, 1882)			William Morris
It is not improbable that had there been no revolution in Russia, I would have devoted myself entirely to lepidopterology and never written any novels at all.			Vladimir Nabokov
To be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.			Ogden Nash
Before this time tomorrow I shall have gained a peerage or Westminster Abbey			Nelson (before the Nile)
I really do not see the signal.			Nelson (at Copenhagen)
Salt water and absence wash away love.			Horatio Nelson
I can calculate the movements of the stars, but not the madness of men (after losing a fortune in the South Sea Bubble)			Sir Isaac Newton
If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants (letter, 1675)
God is dead (German philosopher: first appeared in the 1882 book The Gay Science, also translated as The Science of Joy or The Joy of Wisdom)			Friedrich Nietzsche
Marriage makes an end of many short follies, being one long stupidity
When the President does it, that means that it is not illegal.			Richard Nixon
I took a shellacking last night (after heavy losses in Congress in the mid–term elections, 2010)			Barack Obama
At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves.			George Orwell
I've had a wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.			Dorothy Parker
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
One more drink and I would have been under the host.
You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.
I don't do anything; not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't do that any more.
How can they tell? (on being told of the death of President Coolidge)
That woman speaks 18 languages, but can't say No in any of them.
This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. (Quoted in a book of quotations; sadly the book is not identified)
Woman wants monogamy; man delights in novelty.
Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.			C. Northcote Parkinson
Expenditure rises to meet income.
Time spent on any item of the agenda will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.
The man who is denied the opportunity to make decisions of importance, begins to regard as important those decisions which he is allowed to make.
It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.			Dolly Parton
Ils ne passeront pas (they shall not pass): normally attributed to – actually said by one of his generals, Robert Nivelle			Marshal Petain
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Work is accomplished by those who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.			Laurence J. Peter (the Peter Principle)
To betray, you have to belong. I never belonged.			Kim Philby
Gentlemen, I think it is about time we pulled our finger out. (Speech to British businessmen, 1961)			Prince Philip
I paint objects as I think them, not as I see them.			Pablo Picasso
Gamesmanship or, The Art of Winning Games without actually cheating.			Stephen Potter
Don't any of you shoot until you see the whites of their eyes.			Colonel William Prescott
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.			Elvis Presley
I would rather spend a holiday in Tuscany than in the Black Country, but if I were compelled to choose between living in West Bromwich or Florence, I would make straight for West Bromwich.			J. B. Priestley
What is property? … Property is theft. (French anarchist, 1809–65)			Pierre–Joseph Proudhon
A woman is as young as her knees.			Mary Quant
If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.			Dan Quayle
'Tis a sharp remedy, but a sure one for all ills.			Sir Walter Raleigh
If my children said they were vegetarians, I'd sit them on the fence and electrocute them.			Gordon Ramsay
You've won it once; go out and win it again.			Alf Ramsey
A woman is like a teabag; you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.			Nancy Reagan
My fellow Americans: I am pleased to tell you I have just signed legislation which outlaws Russia. The bombing begins in five minutes.			Ronald Reagan
Honey, I forgot to duck (to his wife, after surviving an assassination attempt – quoting Jack Dempsey)
I've been forty years discovering that the queen of all colours is black.			Pierre–Auguste Renoir
You are an Englishman, and have subsequently drawn the greatest prize in the lottery of life. (Said to Lord Grey)			Cecil Rhodes
I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police ...			Keith Richards
I don't work out. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor			Joan Rivers
When I die, they'll donate my body to Tupperware
Louis must die so that the nation may live (French revolutionary, December 1792)			Maximilien Robespierre
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship			John D. Rockefeller
When my time comes, just skin me and put me on Trigger, just as if nothing had ever happened			Roy Rogers
The first twenty–four hours of the invasion will be decisive ... for the Allies, as well as Germany, it will be the longest day (said to an aide, in April 1944; quoted by Cornelius Ryan in The Longest Day)			Erwin Rommel
A radical is a man with both feet planted firmly in the air.			Franklin D. Roosevelt
Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. (Inaugural address, 1933)
I have always been fond of the West African proverb: "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far."			Theodore Roosevelt
Give me a laundry–list and I'll set it to music			Giacomo Rossini
Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong. (Quoted in Dictionnaire de Maximes by L. J. Mabire, 1830)			Jean–Jacques Rousseau
As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say, we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we do not know we don't know. (US Defense Secretary, 2003)			Donald Rumsfeld
Life without industry is guilt, and industry without art is brutality			John Ruskin
All science is either physics or stamp collecting			Ernest Rutherford
The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes … ah, that is where the art resides.			Arthur Schnabel
Great God! This is an awful place. (Diary entry, on discovering that his party had been beaten)			Captain Scott
We shall stick it out to the bitter end, but we are getting weaker of course and the end cannot be far. It seems a pity but I do not think I can write more ... For God's sake, look after our people (last entry in diary)
Comment is free, but facts are sacred (Editor of the Manchester Guardian – in a famous essay of 1921, celebrating the paper's centenary)			C. P. Scott
Television? The word is half Latin and half Greek. No good can come of it.
Some people think football is a matter of life and death. Those people are wrong; it's more important than that.			Bill Shankly
I like to look down the table – to see where Everton are.
There are only two teams on Merseyside: Liverpool and Liverpool Reserves.
Me having no education, I had to use my brains.
I'm not the next Anna Kournikova – I want to win matches			Maria Sharapova
Alcohol is a very necessary article ... it makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober.			George Bernard Shaw
All professions are conspiracies against the laity.
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended
England and America are two countries separated by a common language.
He who can, does; he who cannot, teaches.
I am a typical Irishman; my family comes from Hampshire.
One may be infamous, one may be notorious, but one must never be ignored.
What Englishman will give his mind to politics so long as he can afford to keep a motor car?
War is Hell.			William Sherman
A woman can never be too rich or too thin.			Wallis Simpson
Rock 'n' roll smells phoney and false. It is sung, played and written, for the most part, by cretinous goons			Frank Sinatra
"Half the Tory members opposite are crooks." On being ordered by the Speaker to withdraw the remark: "OK – half the Tories are not crooks"			Dennis Skinner
If the fence is strong enough, I'll sit on it.			Cyril Smith
The Pope? How many divisions has he got?			Joseph Stalin
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic (attributed, in popular belief; actually originated by the German writer Erich Maria Remarque)
Dr. Livingstone, I presume? (On meeting at Ujiji – now in Tanzania – in 1871)			Henry Morton Stanley
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle (according to popular belief; in fact, she only popularised this slogan which was probably originated by the Australian Irina Dunn)			Gloria Steinem
In my sport, the quick are too often listed among the dead.			Jackie Stewart
Instead of getting married again, I'm just going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house			Rod Stewart
My music is best understood by children and animals (The Observer, 1961)			Igor Stravinsky
What is wrong with the world today is greed, immorality and depravity.			Peter Sutcliffe
Do I not like that?!			Graham Taylor
[My father] did not riot; he got on his bike and looked for work.			Norman Tebbitt
I have not got a single enemy I would not want.
In Spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love			Alfred Lord Tennyson
Every prime minister needs a Willie. (referring to Willie Whitelaw)			Margaret Thatcher
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman
I'm still at the crease, though the bowling has been pretty hostile of late
We have become a grandmother.
There is no such thing as Society. There are individual men and women; there are families. (allegedly – quoted in a women's magazine)
You turn if you want to; the lady's not for turning (Speech to party conference, 1980)
An alcoholic is a man you don't like who drinks as much as you do.			Dylan Thomas
Land of my fathers? My fathers can have it!
I've had eighteen straight whiskies – I think that's a record (usually said to be his last words – but actually said six days before his death)
A woman's place is in the wrong.			James Thurber
Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.			Mao Tse–tung
An ally has to be watched just like an enemy.			Leon Trotsky
There is an iron curtain across Europe. (Sunday Empire News, 21 October 1945)			St. Vincent Troubridge
If you don't like [or can't take, or can't stand] the heat, get out of the kitchen			Harry S Truman
The buck stops here. (Sign on desk.)
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
The report of my death was an exaggeration.			Mark Twain
Buy land – they've stopped making it.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress … but I repeat myself.
What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Had Tom Girtin lived, I should have starved (reportedly)			J. M. W. Turner
We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat; they do not exist.			Queen Victoria
War is nothing more than an extension of politics by other means.			Karl von Clausewitz
If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him.			Voltaire
It is said that God is always on the side of the big battalions.
The best is the enemy of the good.
This body which called itself and which still calls itself the Holy Roman Empire was in no way holy, nor Roman, nor an empire. (Essay on general history and on the manners and spirit of nations, 1756)
That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus			Sid Waddell
When Alexander of Macedonia was 33 he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer. Bristow is only 27
This lad has more checkouts than Tesco's
There's only one word for that: magic darts!
In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.			Andy Warhol
Father, I cannot tell a lie. I did it, with my little hatchet (attributed to ... )			George Washington
The British are coming! (on accepting an Oscar, in 1982)			Colin Welland
I don't know what effect these men will have on the enemy, but by God, they terrify me (said by H. L. Mencken in 1942 to be his remarks on a draft of new troops sent to him in Spain in 1809 – but disputed)			Duke of Wellington
Publish and be damned! (written across a blackmail letter from a publisher and scandal–monger, threatening to publish anecdotes of him and his mistress Harriette Wilson)
Up, guards, and at them again (during the Battle of Waterloo)
Believe me, nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won (alternative version: "next to a battle lost the greatest misery is a battle gained")
Cleanliness is indeed next to Godliness.			John Wesley
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you (attributed)			Mae West
A hard man is good to find (attributed – also sometimes quoted as "It's hard to find a good man, but it's good to find a hard one")
I do all my writing in bed; everybody knows I do my best work there
To err is human, but it feels divine
You will, Oscar; you will. (After he made a witty remark, and Oscar Wilde said "I wish I'd said that!")			James Whistler
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.			Oscar Wilde
The English country gentleman galloping after a fox: the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.
I have nothing to declare but my genius.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does; that's his.
Life imitates art far more than art imitates life. (The Decay of Lying – essay, 1891)
One must have a heart of stone to read the death of Little Nell without laughing.
Truth is rarely pure, and never simple.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Ah well then, I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means.
Women represent the triumph of mind over matter, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.
I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it.
Hindsight is always twenty–twenty.			Billy Wilder
The pound in your pocket has not been devalued.			Harold Wilson
One week is a long time in politics.
I know what's going on. I'm going on. Your government is going on. (1969, in response to rumours of unrest within his party)
All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral or fattening.			Alexander Woollcott
A physician can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines.			Frank Lloyd Wright
Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.			Frank Zappa
J'accuse (title of open letter to the French President)			Emile Zola

© Haydn Thompson 2017–23