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Quotations

See also Descriptive Quotations (who said what about whom or what), Famous Last Words.

(Britain has) lost an empire but not yet found a role Click to show or hide the answer
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely Click to show or hide the answer
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. Click to show or hide the answer
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it through not dying.
It's not that I'm afraid to die – it's just that I don't want to be there when it happens.
Give me something to stand on, and I will move the earth. Click to show or hide the answer
No, no, the T is silent, as in Harlow. (Possibly apocryphal; said to have been said to Jean Harlow who mispronounced her forename) Click to show or hide the answer
I married beneath myself. All women do. Click to show or hide the answer
Money is like muck, not good except it be spread Click to show or hide the answer
Knowledge itself is power.
Nothing matters very much, and most things don't matter at all Click to show or hide the answer
When I score, I don't celebrate. It's my job. Does a postman celebrate when he delivers a letter? Click to show or hide the answer
There's a sucker born every minute. Click to show or hide the answer
"A sympathetic Scot [remarked that] you should make a point of trying every experience once, except incest and folk–dancing" – from his 1943 autobiography Click for more information Click to show or hide the answer
I wanted to be more famous than Persil Automatic. (Written in her 2001 autobiography, Learning to Fly, of her teenage self – some ten years earlier) Click to show or hide the answer
Other people have a nationality; the Irish and Jews have a psychosis. Click to show or hide the answer
Mr. Watson, come here – I want to see you. Click for more information Click to show or hide the answer
Streets flooded please advise (telegram to his editor on arriving in Venice) Click to show or hide the answer
The House of Lords is the Outer Mongolia for British politicians. Click to show or hide the answer
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered Click to show or hide the answer
I used to go missing a lot. Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World ...
I've stopped drinking, but only when I'm asleep
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life
The executioner is, I believe, very expert, and my neck is very slender. Click to show or hide the answer
An army marches on its stomach. (Attr. – also attr. to Frederick the Great of Prussia) Click to show or hide the answer
From the sublime to the ridiculous there is only one step.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever
Home in three days, so don't wash. (Written to his wife.)
It is only with artillery that one makes war.
The side that stays within its own fortifications is beaten.
Sic semper tyrannis – the South is revenged! Click to show or hide the answer
Elect me for what I am – not for what I was born. Click to show or hide the answer
I'd rather have a nice cup of tea than go to bed with someone – any day Click to show or hide the answer
Just call me a nice clean–cut all–Mongolian boy. Click to show or hide the answer
When I was a young man, the Dead Sea was still alive. Click to show or hide the answer
Winning isn't everything. There should be no conceit in victory, and no despair in defeat. Click to show or hide the answer
I do not like broccoli and I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli. Click to show or hide the answer
Read my lips: no new taxes.
I will not withdraw [from Iraq] even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me Click to show or hide the answer
It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom, as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses (attr., in Daphne Fielding's The Duchess of Jermyn Street (1964) Click to show or hide the answer
When the seagulls … follow the trawler … it is because they think that … sardines … will be thrown … into the sea Click to show or hide the answer
The man who dies … rich dies disgraced Click to show or hide the answer
How horrible, fantastic, incredible it is that we should be digging trenches and trying on gas-masks here because of a quarrel in a far away country between people of whom we know nothing. Click for more information Click to show or hide the answer
I believe it is peace for our time … peace with honour.
I remain just ... a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician. Click to show or hide the answer
All I need to make a comedy is a policeman, a park and a pretty girl. (From his 1964 autobiography)
I see all the birds are flown. Click to show or hide the answer
I am weary of travelling … I am resolved to go abroad no more. Click to show or hide the answer
Medicine is my lawful wife, and literature is my mistress. Click to show or hide the answer
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him. Click to show or hide the answer
An archaeologist it the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. Click to show or hide the answer
Anyone can rat, but it takes a certain ingenuity to re–rat. Click to show or hide the answer
I consider that it will be found much better by all parties to leave the past to history, especially as I propose to write that history myself. (Often misquoted as "History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it")
I have taken more good out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
To jaw–jaw is always better than to war–war.
From Stettin in the Baltic, to Trieste in the Adriatic, an iron curtain has descended across the Continent. (In a speech delivered at Fulton, Missouri, on 5 March 1946, when the audience included US President Harry S. Truman)
When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is probably wrong. ("Clarke's First Law") Click to show or hide the answer
The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible. ("Clarke's Second Law")
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. ("Clarke's Third Law")
It is far easier to make war than to make peace. Click to show or hide the answer
War is much too important to be left to the military.
I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one. Click to show or hide the answer
… and … Juantorena … opens his legs … and shows his class Click to show or hide the answer
Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast. Click to show or hide the answer
Marriage is a wonderful invention, but then again so is a bicycle repair kit. (Quoted in a 1976 biography by Duncan Campbell) Click for more information Click to show or hide the answer
Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. Click to show or hide the answer
Never trust a man with short legs. Brains too near their bottoms. Click to show or hide the answer
Television is for appearing on – not for looking at
Put your trust in God, and keep your powder dry. (Attributed in 1834 by the Irish soldier and writer William Blacker) Click to show or hide the answer
I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible you may be mistaken. Click for more information
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place Click to show or hide the answer
Bring on the empty horses. (Quoted by David Niven in the title of his autobiography) Click to show or hide the answer
Genius doesn't die; I am going to live forever. Click to show or hide the answer
Picasso is a painter; so am I; Picasso is Spanish; so am I; Picasso is a Communist; neither am I (attributed)
Show my head to the people; it is worth seeing. Click to show or hide the answer
My handicap? I'm a one–eyed Jewish negro. Click to show or hide the answer
The most important thing in the Olympics is not winning but taking part. Click for more information Click to show or hide the answer
The graveyards [or cemeteries] (of the world) are full of indispensable men Click to show or hide the answer
How can you govern a nation which produces two hundred and forty–six varieties of cheese?
Honey, I forgot to duck (after defeat by Gene Tunney, 1926 – quoted by Ronald Reagan in 1981 after John Hinckley's assassination attempt) Click to show or hide the answer
Cogito ergo sum. (I think therefore I am.) Click to show or hide the answer
Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded Click to show or hide the answer
The relationship between the make–up man and the film actor is one of accomplices in crime. Click to show or hide the answer
Little things affect little minds. Click to show or hide the answer
Though I sit down now, the time will come when you will hear me.
(Maiden speech in the House of Commons)
Is man an ape or an angel? Now I am on the side of the angels.
A precedent embalms a principle.
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens.
There are three types of falsehood: lies, damned lies and statistics.
Youth is a blunder; Manhood a struggle; Old Age a regret.
A Conservative government is an organised hypocrisy.
I have always thought that every woman should marry – and no man.
I have climbed to the top of the greasy pole. (On becoming Prime Minister)
Damn your principles! Stick to your party. (Attributed; believed to have been said to Edward Bulwer–Lytton)
Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety–nine percent perspiration. Click to show or hide the answer
Mary had a little lamb ... (the first ever gramophone recording) Click to show or hide the answer
At last I am able to say a few words of my own ... I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility and to discharge my duties as I would wish to do, without the help and support of the woman I love.
I now quit altogether public affairs and I lay down my burden. God bless you all. God save the King.
Click to show or hide the answer
I am convinced that He [God] does not play dice. Click to show or hide the answer
I never think of the future; it comes soon enough.
If I'd known about the atom bomb, I'd have become a watchmaker.
Imagination is more important than knowledge; for knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution
Science is a wonderful thing, if one doesn't have to earn one's living at it.
Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind.
The distinction between past, present and future is only an illusion, however persistent. Click for more information
All the books needed for a real education could be set on a shelf five foot long. (President of Harvard University, 1869–1909) Click to show or hide the answer
I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King – and a King of England too. Click to show or hide the answer
In the kingdom of the blind, the one–eyed man is king (attributed) Click to show or hide the answer
When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left I buy food and clothes.
I don't get up for less than $10,000 a day (Canadian supermodel) Click to show or hide the answer
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite. And furthermore, always carry a small snake. Click to show or hide the answer
Horse sense is a good judgement that keeps horses from betting on people.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I do if they're properly cooked. (On being asked if he liked children)
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no sense being a damn fool about it
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
It reminds me of my journey to the wilds of Afghanistan. We lost our corkscrew and had to survive on nothing but food and water for several days.
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?
Women are like elephants to me: they're nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one.
Anyone who hates dogs and small children can't be all bad. (Actually said about him, by US humorist Leo C. Rosten. And Rosten was quoting.)
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got (said in a "Temperance Lecture" to US troops in WWII)
Earlier on today, apparently, a woman rang the BBC and said she heard there was a hurricane on the way ... well, if you're watching, don't worry, there isn't! (In a weather forecast in 1987; later that evening, the worst storm to hit South East England for three centuries caused record damage and killed 19 people) Click to show or hide the answer
Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black. Click to show or hide the answer
History is more or less bunk.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Click to show or hide the answer
Here Skugg lies snug as a bug in a rug.
Nothing in this world can be certain, except death and taxes.
For want of a nail the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe the horse was lost. For want of a horse the rider was lost.
... we must all hang together or, most assuredly, we will all hang separately.
(on signing the American Declaration of Independence)
Remember that time is money. (From Advice to a Young Tradesman, 1748)
There never was a good war or a bad peace.
If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in five years there'd be a shortage of sand Click to show or hide the answer
Husbands are like fires. They go out when left unattended. Click to show or hide the answer
I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
I'm a wonderful housekeeper. Every time I get divorced, I keep the house.
And still it moves (after being forced by the Inquisition to recant his views; sometimes said to be his last words; but in fact there is no evidence that he ever sais it) Click to show or hide the answer
The French cook; we open tins. Click to show or hide the answer
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist (quoted in Christian Science Monitor, 1982) Click to show or hide the answer
Victory gained by violence is tantamount to defeat. Click to show or hide the answer
Try 999. (When asked for a contact number, during a court appearance in 2010) Click to show or hide the answer
The meek shall inherit the Earth – but not the mineral rights. Click to show or hide the answer
If you can count your money, then you are not really a rich man.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. (French writer, 1882–1944) Click to show or hide the answer
We are part of the community of Europe, and we must do our duty as such. (British opposition leader, 1888) Click to show or hide the answer
Guns will make us powerful; butter will only make us fat. (1936) Click to show or hide the answer
Anyone seeing a psychiatrist should have his head examined. Click to show or hide the answer
In two words: Im–possible.
Sink the Bismarck? Who the hell wants to see a movie about a herring?
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
If this is the way you do it, gentlemen include me out.
A wide screen makes a bad film twice as bad.
I want a story that starts with an earthquake and builds up to a climax.
Go west, young man, and grow up with the country Click to show or hide the answer
The lamps are going out all over Europe; we shall not see them lit again in our lifetime (Foreign Secretary at the outbreak of World War I; a casual remark supposedly made to a colleague) Click to show or hide the answer
The British people have had enough of experts (Conservative cabinet minister, 2016) Click to show or hide the answer
[I was told by my mother that] a woman needs to be a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom Click to show or hide the answer
I'm not allowed to say how many planes joined the raid, but I counted them all out and I counted them all back. (BBC correspondent, during the Falklands war) Click to show or hide the answer
You can't win anything with kids. (BBC Match of the Day pundit, on the opening day of the 1995–6 Premier League season, after Manchester United lost to Aston Villa; they went on to win the Premier League and the FA Cup that season) Click to show or hide the answer
Some men are born mediocre; some men achieve mediocrity; and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. Click to show or hide the answer
You make your own luck, Gig. You know what makes a good loser? Practice. (To his son Gregory – quoted in the latter's Papa: a Personal Memoir) Click to show or hide the answer
Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones. Click to show or hide the answer
For me, cinema is not a slice of life but a piece of cake. Click to show or hide the answer
Television has brought murder back into the home, where it belongs
I am a typed director. If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body under the coach.
There is no terror in a bang; only the anticipation of it.
The great masses of the people ... will more easily fall victim to a great lie than to a small one. Click to show or hide the answer
Paris is well worth a mass. Click to show or hide the answer
Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt (1936 speech) Click to show or hide the answer
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. Click to show or hide the answer
President Johnson says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.
Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori (quoted by Wilfred Owen) Click to show or hide the answer
Nil desperandum …
Seize the day, believing as little as possible in the morrow.
(All from his Odes)
If in doubt, win the trick. Click to show or hide the answer
Men have sight; women have insight. Click to show or hide the answer
The only thing I mind about going to prison is the thought of Lord Longford coming to visit me. Click to show or hide the answer
I have more in common with a three–toed sloth than with [Winston] Churchill Click to show or hide the answer
Claret is a drink for boys, port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy. (Quoted by Boswell) Click to show or hide the answer
No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money. (Quoted by Boswell)
When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life. (Quoted by Boswell)
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has few pleasures.
A man is generally better pleased when he has had a good dinner, than when his wife talks Greek
Neil Harvey, standing at leg slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle Click to show or hide the answer
The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey (attributed – prob. apochryphal)
It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war. Click to show or hide the answer
Ask not what your country can do for you: ask what you can do for your country.
Let us not negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate.
As a free man, I take pride in the words "Ich bin ein Berliner!"
In the long run, we are all dead (in A Tract on Monetary Reform, 1923) Click to show or hide the answer
Well I can wear heels now (to David Letterman, after being divorced by Tom Cruise; often misquoted as "At least I can wear high heels now") Click to show or hide the answer
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother–in–law Click to show or hide the answer
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self–evident, that all men are created equal" (quoting the American Declaration of Independence)
We must learn to live together as brothers, or we will perish together as fools
We've been to the mountain top … and I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land. (On the night before his assassination)
I warn you not to be ordinary. I warn you not to be young. I warn you not to fall ill, and I warn you not to grow old (1983) Click to show or hide the answer
Until I grew up I thought I hated everybody, but when I grew up I realized it was just children I didn't like. Once you started meeting grown–ups life was much pleasanter. Children are very horrible, aren't they? Selfish, noisy, cruel, vulgar little brutes. Click to show or hide the answer
Liberty is precious – so precious that it must be rationed. Click to show or hide the answer
For our last number, I'd like to ask your help. Would the people in the cheaper seats clap; and the rest of you, if you'd just rattle your jewellery ... Click to show or hide the answer
Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I do not know what will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity ... We're more popular than Jesus now (interview in the London Evening Standard, March 1966)
My last picture for Warners was Romance on the High Seas. It was Doris Day's first picture; that was before she became a virgin. Click for more information Click to show or hide the answer
Thank you for your very amusing review. After reading it, in fact, my brother George and I cried all the way to the bank Click to show or hide the answer
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. Click to show or hide the answer
The ballot is stronger than the bullet.
This nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and government of the people by the people for the I shall not perish from this earth.
Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes, and at the end, the Germans win (after the 1990 World Cup) Click to show or hide the answer
Drink is doing us more damage in the War than all the German submarines put together (February 1915) Click to show or hide the answer
What is our task? To make Britain a fit country for heroes to live in
L'Etat, c'est moi. ("Probably apocryphal" – Wikiquote) Click to show or hide the answer
He's going for the yellow ball by the side pocket, and for those in black and white, it's next to the blue Click to show or hide the answer
Here I stand; I can do no other. God help me. Click for more information Click to show or hide the answer
Indeed, let us be frank about it: most of our people have never had it so good. Click to show or hide the answer
The wind of change is blowing through this continent. Whether we like it or not, this growth of national consciousness is a political fact. (Speech to the South African parliament, Cape Town, 1960)
Because it's there (when asked why he wanted to climb Mount Everest) Click to show or hide the answer
... all part of life's rich tapestry! Click to show or hide the answer
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day.
Alternatively: I'd hate to be a teetotaller. Imagine waking up in the morning and knowing that's the best you're going to feel all day.
Click to show or hide the answer
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. Click to show or hide the answer
You're only as old as the woman you feel.
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
If I never see that woman again, it's too soon.
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.
[history repeats itself] the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce. Click to show or hide the answer
Religion ... is the opium of the people.
The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs.
When I am dead and opened, you shall find 'Calais' lying in my heart Click to show or hide the answer
I came through and I shall return. (Later: I have returned.) Click to show or hide the answer
The car has become an article of dress without which we feel uncertain, unclad and incomplete in the urban compound. Click to show or hide the answer
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. Click to show or hide the answer
No–one … has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.
I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark.
Alimony is the ransom that the happy pay to the Devil.
When women kiss, it always reminds one of prizefighters shaking hands.
An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one. Click to show or hide the answer
On the continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.
Continental people have sex life; English people have hot water bottles.
An aristocracy in a republic is like a chicken with its head cut off; it may run about a lot, but it is in fact dead. Click to show or hide the answer
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5 of course. Click to show or hide the answer
It is not true that I had nothing on; I had the radio on (when asked about her nude photoshoot for Playboy)
The city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo. Click to show or hide the answer
To be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is. Click to show or hide the answer
Before this time tomorrow I shall have gained a peerage or Westminster Abbey Click to show or hide the answer
I really do not see the signal. Click to show or hide the answer
Salt water and absence wash away love. Click to show or hide the answer
I can calculate the movements of the stars, but not the madness of men (after losing a fortune in the South Sea Bubble) Click to show or hide the answer
If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants (letter, 1675)
God is dead (German philosopher: first appeared in the 1882 book The Gay Science, also translated as The Science of Joy or The Joy of Wisdom) Click to show or hide the answer
Marriage makes an end of many short follies, being one long stupidity
When the President does it, that means that it is not illegal. Click to show or hide the answer
I took a shellacking last night (after heavy losses in Congress in the mid–term elections, 2010) Click to show or hide the answer
At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves. Click to show or hide the answer
I've had a wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. Click to show or hide the answer
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
One more drink and I would have been under the host.
You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.
I don't do anything; not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't do that any more.
How can they tell? (on being told of the death of President Coolidge)
The girl can speak 18 languages fluently, but can't say No in any of them.
This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. (Quoted in a book of quotations; sadly the book is not identified)
Woman wants monogamy; man delights in novelty.
Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. Click to show or hide the answer
Expenditure rises to meet income.
Time spent on any item of the agenda will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.
The man who is denied the opportunity to make decisions of importance, begins to regard as important those decisions which he is allowed to make.
It takes a lot of money to look this cheap. Click to show or hide the answer
Ils ne passeront pas (they shall not pass): normally attributed to – actually said by one of his generals, Robert Nivelle Click to show or hide the answer
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Work is accomplished by those who have not yet reached their level of incompetence. Click to show or hide the answer
To betray, you have to belong. I never belonged. Click to show or hide the answer
Gentlemen, I think it is about time we pulled our finger out.
(Speech to British businessmen, 1961)
Click to show or hide the answer
I paint objects as I think them, not as I see them. Click to show or hide the answer
A little learning is a dang'rous thing. (in An essay on criticism) Click to show or hide the answer
To err is human; to forgive, divine. (in An essay on criticism)
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. (in An essay on criticism)
Gamesmanship or, The Art of Winning Games without actually cheating. Click to show or hide the answer
Don't any of you shoot until you see the whites of their eyes. Click to show or hide the answer
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. Click to show or hide the answer
I would rather spend a holiday in Tuscany than in the Black Country, but if I were compelled to choose between living in West Bromwich or Florence, I would make straight for West Bromwich. Click to show or hide the answer
What is property? … Property is theft. (French anarchist, 1809–65) Click to show or hide the answer
A woman is as young as her knees. Click to show or hide the answer
If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure. Click to show or hide the answer
'Tis a sharp remedy, but a sure one for all ills. Click to show or hide the answer
If my children said they were vegetarians, I'd sit them on the fence and electrocute them. Click to show or hide the answer
A woman is like a teabag; you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Click to show or hide the answer
My fellow Americans: I am pleased to tell you I have just signed legislation which outlaws Russia. The bombing begins in five minutes. Click to show or hide the answer
Honey, I forgot to duck (to his wife, after surviving an assassination attempt – quoting Jack Dempsey)
I've been forty years discovering that the queen of all colours is black. Click to show or hide the answer
I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police. Click for more information Click to show or hide the answer
I don't work out. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor Click to show or hide the answer
When I die, they'll donate my body to Tupperware
Louis must die so that the nation may live (French revolutionary, December 1792) Click to show or hide the answer
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship Click to show or hide the answer
When my time comes, just skin me and put me on Trigger, just as if nothing had ever happened Click to show or hide the answer
A radical is a man with both feet planted firmly in the air. Click to show or hide the answer
Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. (Inaugural address, 1933)
[The United States should] speak softly and carry a big stick. Click to show or hide the answer
Give me a laundry–list and I'll set it to music Click to show or hide the answer
Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains. (Opening words of The Social Contract, 1762) Click to show or hide the answer
Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong. (Quoted in Dictionnaire de Maximes by L. J. Mabire, 1830)
As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say, we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we do not know we don't know. (US Defense Secretary, 2003) Click to show or hide the answer
Life without industry is guilt, and industry without art is brutality Click to show or hide the answer
All science is either physics or stamp collecting Click to show or hide the answer
The cook was good, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went. Click to show or hide the answer
Hell is other people. Click to show or hide the answer
The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes … ah, that is where the art resides. Click to show or hide the answer
Great God! This is an awful place. (Diary entry, on discovering that his party had been beaten) Click to show or hide the answer
We shall stick it out to the bitter end, but we are getting weaker of course and the end cannot be far. It seems a pity but I do not think I can write more ... For God's sake, look after our people (last entry in diary)
Comment is free, but facts are sacred (Editor of the Manchester Guardian – in a famous essay, 1921, celebrating the paper's centenary) Click to show or hide the answer
Some people think football is a matter of life and death. Those people are wrong; it's more important than that. Click to show or hide the answer
I like to look down the table – to see where Everton are.
There are only two teams on Merseyside: Liverpool and Liverpool Reserves.
Me having no education, I had to use my brains.
I'm not the next Anna Kournikova – I want to win matches Click to show or hide the answer
Alcohol is a very necessary article ... it makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober. Click to show or hide the answer
All professions are conspiracies against the laity.
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended
England and America are two countries separated by a common language.
He who can, does; he who cannot, teaches.
I am a typical Irishman; my family comes from Hampshire.
One may be infamous, one may be notorious, but one must never be ignored.
What Englishman will give his mind to politics so long as he can afford to keep a motor car?
War is Hell. Click to show or hide the answer
A woman can never be too rich or too thin. Click to show or hide the answer
Rock 'n' roll smells phoney and false. It is sung, played and written, for the most part, by cretinous goons Click to show or hide the answer
"Half the Tory members opposite are crooks." On being ordered by the Speaker to withdraw the remark: "OK – half the Tories are not crooks" Click to show or hide the answer
If the fence is strong enough, I'll sit on it. Click to show or hide the answer
The Pope? How many divisions has he got? Click to show or hide the answer
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic (attributed, in popular belief; actually originated by the German writer Erich Maria Remarque)
Dr. Livingstone, I presume? (On meeting at Ujiji – now in Tanzania – in 1871) Click to show or hide the answer
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle (according to popular belief; in fact, she only popularised this slogan which was probably originated by the Australian Irina Dunn) Click to show or hide the answer
In my sport, the quick are too often listed among the dead. Click to show or hide the answer
Instead of getting married again, I'm just going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house Click to show or hide the answer
My music is best understood by children and animals (The Observer, 1961) Click to show or hide the answer
What is wrong with the world today is greed, immorality and depravity. Click to show or hide the answer
Do I not like that?! Click to show or hide the answer
[My father] did not riot; he got on his bike and looked for work. Click to show or hide the answer
I have not got a single enemy I would not want.
In Spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love Click to show or hide the answer
Every prime minister needs a Willie. (referring to Willie Whitelaw) Click to show or hide the answer
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman
I'm still at the crease, though the bowling has been pretty hostile of late
We have become a grandmother.
There is no such thing as Society. There are individual men and women; there are families. (allegedly – quoted in a women's magazine)
You turn if you want to; the lady's not for turning (Speech to party conference, 1980)
An alcoholic is a man you don't like who drinks as much as you do. Click to show or hide the answer
Land of my fathers? My fathers can have it!
I've had eighteen straight whiskies – I think that's a record (usually said to be his last words – but actually said six days before his death)
A woman's place is in the wrong. Click to show or hide the answer
Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun. Click to show or hide the answer
An ally has to be watched just like an enemy. Click to show or hide the answer
There is an iron curtain across Europe. (Sunday Empire News, 21 October 1945) Click to show or hide the answer
If you don't like [or can't take, or can't stand] the heat, get out of the kitchen Click to show or hide the answer
The buck stops here. (Sign on desk.)
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
The report of my death was an exaggeration. Click to show or hide the answer
Buy land – they've stopped making it.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress … but I repeat myself.
We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat; they do not exist. Click to show or hide the answer
War is nothing more than an extension of politics by other means. Click to show or hide the answer
If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him. Click to show or hide the answer
It is said that God is on the side of the big battalions.
The best is the enemy of the good.
Dans ce pays–ci il est bon de tuer de temps en temps un amiral pour encourager les autres (In this country it is good to shoot an admiral from time to time to encourage the others)
The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire.
That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus Click to show or hide the answer
When Alexander of Macedonia was 33 he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer. Bristow is only 27
This lad has more checkouts than Tesco's
There's only one word for that: magic darts!
In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. Click to show or hide the answer
Father, I cannot tell a lie. I did it, with my little hatchet (attributed to ... ) Click to show or hide the answer
I don't know what effect these men will have on the enemy, but by God, they terrify me (said by H. L. Mencken in 1942 to be his remarks on a draft of new troops sent to him in Spain in 1809 – but disputed) Click to show or hide the answer
Publish and be damned! (to a publisher and scandal–monger who threatened to publish anecdotes of him and his mistress Harriette Wilson)
Up, guards, and at them again (during the Battle of Waterloo)
Believe me, nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won (alternative version: "next to a battle lost the greatest misery is a battle gained")
Cleanliness is indeed next to Godliness. Click to show or hide the answer
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you (attributed) Click to show or hide the answer
A hard man is good to find (attributed – also sometimes quoted as "It's hard to find a good man, but it's good to find a hard one")
I do all my writing in bed; everybody knows I do my best work there
To err is human, but it feels divine
You will, Oscar; you will. Click to show or hide the answer
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Click to show or hide the answer
The English country gentleman galloping after a fox: the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.
I have nothing to declare but my genius.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does; that's his.
Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.
One must have a heart of stone to read the death of Little Nell without laughing.
Truth is rarely pure, and never simple.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Ah well then, I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means.
Women represent the triumph of mind over matter, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.
I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it.
Hindsight is always twenty–twenty. Click to show or hide the answer
The pound in your pocket has not been devalued. Click to show or hide the answer
One week is a long time in politics.
All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral or fattening. Click for more information Click to show or hide the answer
A physician can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines. Click to show or hide the answer
Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read. Click to show or hide the answer
J'accuse (title of open letter to the French President) Click to show or hide the answer

© Haydn Thompson 2017–18